Thursday, April 2, 2009

Wherever you go, there you are

"If the auto industry carried their own loans, they would not have financial problems."
Brett, Phoenix

Oh, I see what you did there

"What are you gonna do a couple of months down the road when they ask for more money?"
obama bin laden, america's greatest threat

Also, why all the pot questions?

"Who selected the topics for the questions? What about taxation, national security, corruption in Congress, campaign reform, etc...? Why isn't there even an "Other" topic?"
Robert, Texas

Everybody Say HOA

"One of the fast growing sectors in its ability to create jobs is solar panels. What is not known is that most Home Owner Associations prohibit solar panels. Why is there a federal law allowing "tv dishes" in HOAs, but not one for solar panels?"
Beachtrader, McKinney, TX

Maybe the solar panel companies should create some jobs in the lobbying and bribery industries.

Jam Heavy

"The Current economy is like a sick patient who needs to be nursed back to health before doing a rigorious 5k daily run. How can you jam heavy spending on health care, energy, & education into the budget before nursing the economy back to health 1st?"
sean sanchez, fresno, ca

Great metaphor. Do you know about Couch-to-5k?

You've got the POWER!

"We don't want a hand out just a hand up Get it !!! You have the Power WE GAVE IT TO YOU!! Please Stop wasting our Money, Give us back our MONEY."
MikeAnthony, Maine

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

If government was game show

"Why is the government spending MY hard-earned money to bail out US automakers? Bailing out the US Auto Industry assumes that Americans will buy their products. After they've taken my money to ... shouldn't they GIVE me a FREE car?"
smurfy, arlington, va

Trolled for LULZ

"Hello, I am a smallpox patient and I suffer. I would like to know if you will help bail out my car industry I made with my friends. We drive go-karts and if you lend us 1.3 Billion dollars, we will bloom into a great industry with cool karts. Thanks."
polio kid, santa clause ,indiana

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I ride my bike to work

""President Obama, would you consider a national competition for creating or designing a vehicle that can run on 100% renewable energy by the end of 2010?"
tonykarr, Dana Point

Monday, March 30, 2009

He said Hummers

"If a high school drop out can modify a Hummer to run on vegtable oil and get 60mpg, how come the tax system sets up barriers against this technology?"
Fred L, Arlington MA

To keep kids in school, duh.

I'll take that job for $80 an hour

"Executive excess and it's contribution to the financial crisis gets alot of ink these days, but what about the excess of the regular employee? For a forklift operator to get $82/hr plus benefits, a pension, and a 401k seems slightly excessive to me."
tdoyle, Burlington, VT

If that seems excessive, how about looking at real wages and benefits instead of made-up ones?

Friends like Paco Picopiedra

"Mr President,if you gave us (new york) money from the incentive plan,then why is it,that the MTA is raising the bus fare? i mean this is an outraged. Now,if we (taxpayer) gave money to the automakers how come they still have the car prices so high?"
PicaPiedra, Brooklyn, NY

Cruel to be kind

"My brother is gay and was recently laid off from his job in Detroit. What is the government going to do about helping the gay community during the recession?"
smukatelli, o

Trying desperately to keep them from blowing their savings on lavish weddings.

Let me see your papers

"Why won't you release your actual birth certificate, instead of spending millions of dollars to keep it hidden?"
Dantes, Montana

Obama's birth-certificate hiding industry is too big to fail.

Concerning Kellog's

"Will ethanol production really help our extreme dependency on oil? Will my favorite cereal's price become inflated as well?"
Kreston Thomas, Fayetteville, NC

Corn Pops? Yes. Post's Quinoa, Groats and Bark? Hard to say.

Apollo for all!

"Back on July 31, 1971, we sent to the Moon a clean, cost effective form of transportation using tech paid with tax payer's money supporting the efforts of NASA. It is time to give this technology back to the people. YWC"
Hernan Sepulveda, Miami

Will America 2.0 have rounded corners?

"Cars are not being purchased today because they still use gas and oil. Oil is the greatest toxic asset on the planet. Can you start to approve the stimulus money to inventors, like me, who have a new innovative Electric car to put on the roadways?"
America 2.0, Santa Cruz, CA

Hmm… Declining real incomes, a credit freeze that has left folks with fewer financing options, uncertainty regarding the future, a decline in fleet purchases…

No, the real reason is that cars use gas and oil.

Small bills, please

"Mr. President I would like my share of the bail out money to use as I see fit. To buy a car, house or pay off debt. I pledge to use it responsible. If i buy a car it will put people to work. building a house that will take alot of people too"
Terry, Midland Mi.

As would hiring a squad of cheerleaders to dig a pleasure bunker. Aim higher, Terry!

Norse snore

"Mr President, Norway is leading right now with the Hydrogen fuel cell car tech. They have a created a high way the length of Kansas. Please make sure we do not stay behind when we know that water is Aboundant on earth. Fuel cell is safe!"
Isack Returns, Nyc

Yeah, but have you ever been to Kansas?

Reified beans

"Will you please go back to the challenge of a true green car in 10 years just like the challenge to put man on the moon in the 60's? If you make it real, it will become reality."
Scott W, Atlanta, GA

Every fact wrong

"whatobama & Co. have not told the public ; the unions are largely responsible for our economy crashing.$72.00 ph wages; bloated pensions and health and wall street pale in comparison. why are they silent about this 200 lb gorilla"
hhwest, new york ny

Just because Obama has family in Kenya doesn't mean he's an expert on underweight gorillas.

Reagan's revenge

"I am tired of paying for irresponsible people to live like Kings and Queens while I am at work. Why shouldn't people on Welfare and other Government Assistance have to take a drug test and/or be on birth control?"
Jesse Dryer, Grand Junction Colorado

But without Welfare Queens, who will buy our Cadillacs, Jesse?

Sunday, March 29, 2009


"Please evaluate for an international highway & train routes between the US / Canada & Siberia and Hokkaido Japan. These routes would open a new world of travel & jobs for N. Americans, Russians & Europeans. Economic & fraternal benefits would abound."
Richard, Everett, WA

I'm on board.

Good, yet also bad, question

"Is it true that if the American Auto makers are forced to make cars people dont want but the goverment mandates as they no doubt will, they will sink deeper and deeper until finally they close altogether? How would the money be paid back then?"
Jambla, Edmond Oklahoma

There's wrong in every bite!

"In less than 30 years we invented space flight and went to the moon. Our wars and foreign policy problems seem to be increasingly energy-centric and we have had no significant innovation to the internal combustion engine since it was invented. Why?"
SynePDX, Portland, OR

I believe you meant "What?"

It keeps going and going and going

"Dear Mr. President, My company has a lithium hybrid battery that will go a minimum of 100 miles a charge cost effectively and is available for use in 2009. We are asking for contacts outside of corrupt mega corporations to create jobs in the U.S."
Eliz H, Romeo, MI

Union blues

"With all of the Auto Industry companies getting bailouts shouldn't Union contracts be voided because not all Americans believe that we should pay for something that we do not get to use? Not every worker is guaranteed a certain wage with benefits."
Travis, Gibbon, NE

Oh, man, I can't wait to take my ride in Airforce 1. What? I paid for it.

It's not

"In the early 80s I read in a local newspaper that a young man had invented a system that had a big 8 cylinder american auto travel 400 miles on one gallon of gasoline,G.M. paid him off and he died,they bought patent and locked it away, How is that?"
brains53, lincoln park,mi.

Sure, one gallon of gas, and three gallons of orphan blood. The real culprit is the Orphan Plasma Exporting Countries cartel.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Respect Due

"Why is it okay to privatize profit and socialize debt? (Credit to Noam Chomsky, I believe.)"
Ama Mansa, Boston

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Loose Screw

"The A: "CORK-SCREW BULB" Voulchers! The Q: Can't U EMPOWER us 2 save energy, by issue 1 yr. voulchers to replace OLD fashion bulbs w/C.S.Bulbs?But, we MUST redeem as many old ones w/ new ones! Making them, one day, as extinct as transister radioes!"
Ms. Coop Da' Scoop, Troy, MI

What are we going to do with all the old light bulbs?

Rocket Man

"Sir, Is Nuclear energy safe? If we don’t want the Nuclear waste on our planet could we put it on a rocket and send it to an area of the universe that will take 400 million light-years to reach?"
Isaac, Camp Lejeune

We can do it, but it's going to take a while.

Fungible assets

"In April, my 2008 taxes will be due. I will struggle to pay somewhere around $3000 -- only a tiny fraction of the amount of tax dollars that will be paid out in bonuses to the executives of failed banks. Given that fact, why should I pay my taxes?"
Hugh D'Apostrophe, San Francisco, CA

Well, do you work at one of the failed banks?

Dig them bones

"Also, when will manufacturing jobs be brought back to the U.S.?? I want AMERICAN made!! I am not a loyalist to China; but most of the consumer products in my house would suggest such a theory to future archaeologists."
Snt RICO, Texas

I'll give him this much: archaeologist is hard to spell.

Sanford and Son

"Why don't more people know that Joe Biden's brother and son marketed funds through Allan Sanford (mini-Madoff)? Heaven forbid it was Dick Cheney's brother and son...there would be a federal hearing the next day"
koaj, nj

Well, it probably wouldn't be the next day--Cheney's schedule is full up with war-crimes hearings.

Mariobama (has somebody made a Mariobama t-shirt yet?)

"My 7 year old son wants to know, "Do you like Super Mario on the Nintendo DS system?""
adadogensco, Cincinnati,OH

"President Obama, have you played the new Grand Theft Auto for the Nintendo DS yet?"
Joey, Chicago, IL

The President is very busy, boys, so let me field these: Mario 64 is an amazing port and one of the best launch titles ever. Still, it's an N64 game. New Super Mario Bros is good-but-not-great, Mario Kart DS is overrated and borderline-broken (snaking!), but it's probably the best multiplayer DS game. There are a bunch of DS Mario games I'm forgetting, but they're not worth mentioning anyway. And Chinatown Wars, honestly? A nice technical achievement that raises the franchise's tired flaws and selfsame missions, and the limitations of the DS hardware, in stark relief. I'd rather play Dopewars.

The only war we can win

"Mr. President,Marijuana Prohibition has done nothing but cause violence and And create a black market. People are dying and we are shoveling money to keep fighting this faild war on a inanimate object .Dont you think its time to Legalize and Tax it?"
Logan, Nobelsville Indiana

Heart spark dollar sign

"I have little money, but a lot of heart. What can I do to help us out of this crisis?"
Jim A, Fort Wayne, In

Help form Captain Planet.

The reversal!

"We are expected to have fiscal responsibility. Why isn't congress and the White House not doing the same thing?"
Metallic, La Marque, TX

Toxic Avenger

"Will there be an opportunity for individuals with only a small amount of money to invest in your toxic bailout plan? Could the government set up an investment fund for such people to participate? Then all could benefit from this opportunity."
b, Sun Valley, ID

What part of "toxic" did you not get?

Game of Life

"You say that kids need to turn off their video games and start studying. How are you going to do this?"
Harut, West Nyack, NY

Hey, I'm a grown man with a Harvard Law degree. I'll play video games all goddamn day if I want to.


"Mr. President, put money in the hands of the wel-fare, VA, SSI and social security recipients, and homeless instead of rich and middle class people who used it for porn twice with the last president. Poor people need things, rich people don't."
moon9, Louisiana

Rich people have plenty of porn already!

I want a power chair

"Does it make any sence when MediCare can't replace my batteries in my power chair but they can get me a new power Chair?"
Pete, Albuquerque, NM

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Buy low, buy high

"Mr. President, Does the fact that our economy is an 85% service industry explain our damaged economy? Isn't it a natural tendency to think that the only way to make MORE money is to SELL something instead of only buying things?"
Nathan Grey, Omaha, NE

To the tune of La Cucaracha

"Mr. Obama I pray very hard for this country's future, I do hope you can turn the economy around. I am doing my part working hard and paying my taxes, my question to you is this; Are you going to sing an immigration reform bill? I hope you will soon."
Oscar Chagoya, Bay Point CA

And put a guitar solo in the middle.

They got the wobble when they walk

"How are you going to stabilize our fixed income people?"
jacknec, Apple Valley, Utah

Tripods, mostly.

Seen Sean?

scottw, roanoke

I'm sorry, we really do need that in the form of a question.

American idle

"In Connecticut someone can vote for a pop singer, while someone in Wyoming can vote for their favorite dancing celebs; When will it be possible to directly vote on issues that matter to the American people?"
Patrick Divine, Riverside, CA

When will American Idol and Dancing with the Stars finally allow nationwide balloting instead of requiring folks to live in Connecticut or Wyoming?

Ducks ducked

"Have you thought about making more jobs out here in oregon? The job rate here is not at all stable. We need more jobs."
MIkeR, Portland, OR

Well, what do you know? We have jobs planned for every state but Oregon.

Even less!

"Why are teachers being paid EVEN less than celebrities and professional athletes? Our students live by the example our country has shown them; you don't need school to make it when making it is just about making money, not a difference."
Cat M, Monterey, CA

They can't even vote!

"If you, President Obama, are a Christian, do you not realize that Christians are discriminated against in the US?"
Captainron, USA

Bringing Things to Life

"Mr. President, perpetual-motion is possible. NETL, and doe have blocked me for years because GE demands ownership and the status quo. A magnet powered engine the size of a minivan can produce 37,000 ft.lbs. tourqe=$3mil. of electricity per month.sos"
J. D., Canton, Ms.

Next time, save 'perpetual motion' for last. Something like that, you've got to ease into it.

Sustainability through demolition

"don't you think that where auto companies were once thriving would be a good place to encourage sustainable living practices and encourage green products to be manufactured there?"
westbeach, oak harbor ,WA

Look, I'm as organic and crunchy granola as the next girl, but Detroit's urban blight and poverty is not going to be cured by compost, recycling, and a poo pot plant.

Go, Speed Racer

"There's a fellow who raced a homemade electric drag car at Portland Speedway. It blew away every gasoline car he raced. Innovation and invention like that are memorable. Why bailout big 3 auto when you could give the money to someone like him?"
Mr. B, Seabeck, WA

Look, can we deal with gay marriage before we address the drag issue? Because that would be great.

Make an Offer

"Mr. President, Will you watch the Disney movie "Wall-E" before sigining any envionmenta or heath care reform bill?"
JDJ, Florida

You know what Obama's favorite movie is? 'The Godfather.'

Breaking News: Rush Limbaugh Buys Clear Channel

"Before passage of the 1996 Telecommunications Act, a media company could not own more than 40 radio channels. Rush Limbaugh’s Clear Channel now owns over 1000. No car can escape him. Will you repeal this bill?"
Bret, NC

Drive faster, Bret. Drive faster.

Need some clarification re: Employee Free Choice Act w/r/t secret ballots

"There is so much confusion about the Employee Free Choice Act, especially as it relates to secret ballots. Could you please clarify this matter for the public. Thank you."
Sandy, Lock Haven, PA

Srsly. Pls clarify thx.

Peace, Love and Understanding

"After hearing your speech last night ( 3/24) I understand that you will no longer allow any american to deduct their house mortgage interest on their income tax any longer. Is this true?"
Minnie, South Carolina

"After hearing your speech last night ( 3/24) I understood that you plan on taking away all Veterans services and that all US veterans will have to pay for their own care from now on. Is this true?"
Minnie, South Carolina

"After hearing your speech last night ( 3/24), it is my understanding that all banks in american will be placed under federal control. Is this true?"
Minnie, South Carolina

What the hell speech was she listening to?

Maybe if it was a gmail address.

"America you want a better solution its 200 billion compared to 3.6 trillion it creates 2 million jobs in 1 year and causes a buy able solution for the housing SNAFU. if you want the details email me [redacted] allow 24 hours for a responce"
Rydic, Lets Say Ohio

Life Support

"Mr President, I have been unemployed for 14 months now. I am unable to find work at 24 years old which results in me putting my life on life support.I'm sick of hearing excuses and unfulfilled promises, I want actions and results before its too late."
ShaunMichael80, Jupiter,FL

So does your old man.

As Used in the smart fortwo

"In '93 electric fork lifts ran 24/7.They went 10mph and weighed over 5k #. & carried 5k # of freight thru a 500,000 sq ft warehouse, these units ran for 8+ hrs and were recharged when necessary.why hasnt this technology been trans. to cars"
Hank, Largo, Florida

It's easier to just put turn signals and a seatbelt on the forklift.

Death to GM

"Let these companies fail and file for bankruptcy so new resources can take over from there. Did anyone complain about the job losses in the Horse & Carriage industry when Henry Ford revolutionized transportation? One door closes, another one opens.."
Matt S, Huntsville, AL

Someone's forgetting the great Horse and Carriage Union strike of aught-three. Oh, the stories my grandpa told.

Instant school buses!

"Have you had your staff look to expanding the Plug-In Hybrid Electric School Bus program? Unlike cars, we could be mass producing these nearly overnight and the benefits are large -- from reduced cancers in youth to cutting US oil demand."
A Siegel, McLean, VA

An excellent public safety plan: Mass produce school buses literally overnight!

Game Over

"There are many of us who feel that with the bailouts being paid for by our children and our grandchildren to come that the economic situation is not being taken seriously, like it's some sort of game. Have you just lost the game, Mr President?"
Joe, San Fran

It's a regular mini-trend.

Lab techs, nurses, linen service, oh my

"Why aren't you talking about the JOBS it would create by reforming health care? If more people had access to health care it would create MILLIONS of jobs. In a small town a hospital is one of the largest employers. Lab techs, nurses, linen serv, etc"
Rita, Whites Creek, TN

Health care jobs for everyone! Made a C in high school English? Hey, come be phlebotomist!

No more AIDS waste

"Cannabis can help relieve pain, eliminate waste from AIDS, alleviate neuropathy, and more. With the current rekindling in science, why are we not letting researchers grow and study marijuana so we can finally end this ignorant prohibition?"
Cameron S, New York, NY

Next, grizzly bear knife fights.

"How is babby formed? How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?"
kavya, Interwebs

"How is babby formed? How girl get pragnant?"
Alex, Jax, FL

Whoa, meta.

Health care rights for Congress -- now!

"Congress and all government employees should have the same healthcare as the average worker. Please make sure any changes to the system applies to ALL Americans."
Diane T, Lancaster, PA

This post does not contain a joke about Barney Frank and prostate exams.


"Has your administration considered ending direct-to-consumer pharmaceutical advertising on TV? Pharmaceutical companies are profiting enormously from television advertising. Meanwhile, prescription costs skyrocket."
Libby, Seattle

Psst, Libby.... It's not "direct to consumer" if you have to go through a doctor.

Planetary Citizen

"Please stop saying education is the answer for everything. I like fresh water in my house, trash hauled away, hallways mopped. We can't all be Lawyers, Doctors. Astronauts or President. Lets talk about a living wage, healthcare, decent housing."
George Thornton, Lakewood, OH, USA, Earth, Sol, Milky-Way

Lakewood is in Dennis Kucinich's district.

America: Only country in the world with cancer of the childhood

"Childhood cancer destroys the financial security of many families. This only happens in America! In other countries this care is provided 100% free and leave families intact. What is being done to stop this madness here in America?"
Matthew F, New Jersey

Actually, several NGOs are coordinating their efforts in an attempt to convince the Administration to finally sign on to the Worldwide Anti-Juvenile-Cancer Treaty, which was so publicly shunned by the Bush Administration. Adoption of this measure would ensure that the US is no longer the only nation on earth beholden to the Childhood Cancer interests. Check back later for more.

Trillions and Trillions

"Will you explain exactly how much money $3.5 trillion is. If you had a stack of $1000 bills 3.5 trillion high the stack would be inside the orbit of the international space station!"
Flyer, Houston Texas

Sounds like you've got a pretty good grasp on it, F.

You and me both

"Mr. President, This isn't a question. After reading so many of these questions it has left me depressed. I do NOT envy your job. May God be the One guiding you. Your in my daily prayers."
Ginner, Jacksonville

Cooperate, and no one gets hurt

"We need socialized healthcare, this keeps cooperations from profit, and keeps people healthy. What can you do to keep cooperations from profiting and provide health care for every citizen in the United States?"
MountainLady, Chattanooga, TN

The answer is obvious -- we must all work AGAINST each other for better health.

If only Nike had plants here

"i'am 14 years old and i know theres a child labor law but i think that if a "teen" wants to work then the law should promit them to work because everywhere we cant work.My peers and I do want to work but there are no jobs avalible."
Montez94, Kansas City, MO

Enjoy it while it lasts, kid.


"Dear Mr Honorable President Obama. Sir, RE: Style of... If I may be so long winded as to go on in a fashion to where I can address some questions as a integrated cross section of America's need to answers. Q. 1. Management being bullies and TQM"
Bruce Attfield, Birmingham

Only Wednesdays?

"Many Americans are eating "beans and 'taters" due to job loss. Do you think it is appropriate to continue asking them to pay for your $100 steaks and very expensive parties every Wednesday?"
Don, Al

Are these hardcore or softcore taters?

One leg at a time

"Growing up, my father had 2 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. He worked vigorously to become a doctor. How do you justify raising taxes on upper-class professionals, like my father, who have worked non-stop their entire lives to achieve prosperity?"
Bill D, Fairway, KS

Well, to be fair, he apparently only needs two pairs of pants and two shirts.

Conspiracy theories aside

"UFO's or not, SOMEthing seems to be going on worldwide. Other world governments appear to be, recently, more open to acknowledging an awareness and even releasing documentation of these anomalous events. Conspiracy theories aside, what IS going on?"
Trouble, Terra

Um, never?

"When will the Obama administration be willing to admit that 9-11 tradegy was an inside job performed by our own United States Government? Also Thermite was proven to be involved, we know terrorists did not have access to that material."
Johanson, Washington State


"CHEM TRAILS - sky pollution -- US gov planes - aerosol spraying program of white grid lines that become white haze - not from commercial jets! Barium and aluminium being sprayed -why? Affects solar panels, water. See YouTube 'Toxic Sky"-NBC-TV,LA."
Julie, Sonoma

It could go viral


Also, you have a dumb haircut

"FUCK YOU and your fake "change". You're the EXACT SAME SHIT as the asswipe who just left office. Go ahead and try to artificially prop-up home prices, I don't give a shit because the next home I buy will be IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. ASSHOLE."
DoomedNation, United Socialist States of Amerika

Are you, huh?

"Why is it taking so long to get the troops out of Iran, 30 days max is all it should take. it's simple, hey guys, pack up, we're leaving. Question, are you such a huge pussy that you can't get it done any faster than what you have proposed?"
DenverDavid, Denver, CO

Extreme drowning

"Can I have a job? I have a B.S. in engineering physics and an M.S. in Physics. I am currently a 1L in law school. Author of two books. Have laptop, cell phone and sense of humor. Cannot swim, love Mountain Dew (tm or r thing). Thanks guy. ;P"
J.D., Deltona

I'm sorry, J.D., but we only have Slice and all government jobs involve swimming.

Abstinence only Alabama

"Alabama recently lost a government contract to make condoms. The contract has gone to China. Who puts date rape drugs in our toys, and poison in our pet food. In today's suffering economy, why make any choices that will cost even 300 jobs?"
Stephen Long, Cold Spring, NY

Monkeys are made, not born

"MR.President thank you for taking time to answer some questions.I would like to see the gas prices to freeze. They could stay at $1.50 and still make monkey. It is hard to plan,on a trip when the price changes daily,hourly. Thank you ,and good luck."
Anthony B, Des,Moines IA

Who Speaks For Wolf?

"In the spirit of the book, "The Lorax" by Dr. Seuss, why aren't we making natural gas, oil, and especially biodiesel, and undercutting our Latin American neighbors?"
GabeTaijeron, Hampton, VA

Admittedly, it's been a while since I read 'The Lorax,' but I don't remember anything in there about undercutting Latin American biodiesel.

Who Screens These?

"I work for the Army and order parts through the supply system. I got the $4.00 pipe adapter I ordered but the word CHINA is stamped on the adapter. Why can't the USA reopen the factories that used to make products that say "Made in the USA"?"
Gene S., Anchorage Alaska

Four bucks for a pipe adapter? Just unscrew a faucet.


lilreddakota, Eugene,Oregon

Can ya ask her? Can ya?

"I am endlessly proud of our veterans. Is Michelle? Is she proud of America today?"
PatRiot, Boylston, MA


"Do you Go for Gaia?"
Bill, Cornwall UK

Dude, I'm married.

Yes, and?

"Isn't it ture that Military presonnel work for the UNITED STATED OF AMERICA."
debbie, houma

Draft hobbyhorses

"You've mentioned concern about gender discrimination. Are you comfortable with keeping a male only draft registration that obligates families with sons to risk being used as slaves to keep other families daughters up on their pedestals?"
Elscotto, Florida


"Erase debt in stages! 4 steps: 1 Get rid of the petro-chemical pesticides 2 Build environmentally friendly built beyond 2 family 3 Convert the farms to organic 4 Convert the ranches to organic HEMP only fulfills all economic requirements."
pgurrieri, Ulster County, USA

Power the neighborhood!

"Here in Texas the majority of HOAs refuse to let residents install solar panels, and the electric utility is unprepared to hook those up to the grid. Will you be encouraging Representatives and Senators to change these roadblocks in their States?"
dmgallegos, Houston

Also, Jim, the president of my HOA, won't let me paint my house purple. (Actually, it would be orchid, with a mulberry trim!) He's a big booger-head. Could you call him?


"With all that is WRONG with this country why are people asking about your birth certificate? Let's prioritize!. And while we're at it...if it's proff you're all looking for let's see W's IQ test, or Dipolma...hmmmm?"
Nancy F, Oak Ridge, NJ

I Kiss You

"The cure for crime is literally, the grease on the end of your nose, sir. 150 mg in a single dose taken by mouth cures delinquency and alleviates all symptoms of drug abuse. It's a pheromone passed in kissing. It can change everything. Will you?"
BNicholson, Tampa, FL

Brownshirts are the new black

"This questions pertains to the military, but veterans. This is in regards to your youth program for military. Whats makes your program different from Hitlers youth movement? And the eyes and ears you refer to, sounds more like KGB or Gustapo."
mku, colorado

Column a, column b

"Would you say your Civilian National Security Force is more "Slave Labor" or "Gestapo"?"
McQueen, USA

Why choose?

Admirable, Akbar

"All the brave men and women that sacrifice their lives to keep us safe and secure are heroes, so why do you hate them and this great country?"
JERRY W, Gaylord MI

Also, when did you stop beating Michelle?

Buring up

"Dear President Obama, Former Irak soldiers are not getting responsible debriefed. Families failing over mental issues, former soldiers become "criminals" because of domestic violence. How will you address this burning issue?"
Nicolaus, IT Manager, California

Getting specifics

"My question is, is there any actions that can be taken for homeowners that bought between 2005-2006 that their property value has gone down nearly half of what they bought it for in central Chicago, IL?"
maria, chicago Il

Don't tell me about the South Side!


"Extenze commercials permeate the airwaves with their drivel about giving men a bit more than they were born with. They were already brought up on fraud and too much Lead in their pills. Lead! They're still selling their snake oil.How is this legal?"
Jonn, Dallas, TX

Wait, what's this about a bit more than I was born with?

That old boot camp home

"For Homeless Veterans: Open closed military bases for them. The Housing and Facilities are there. Veterans can maintain and repair them. It would be a place they feel safe and secure in familiar surroundings of a military base."
RavenS, Knoxville, TN

They can have secret shanty towns and live like k-ration kings!

If only we had a slogan

"I know this may not have to do with anything but i would like it if everyone would stop viewing skateboarding as a crime it keeps kids off drugs and gangs build more skate parks please obama."
Marco R, Anaheim CA

Hey, it worked for Jimmy Carter.

Bob Pro-bort

"Why are you so Pro-Abortion?"
Lupe R, Salem,OR

Because amateur abortions are for the Olympics.

Organic farming is made of people

"Why would anyone be so stupid as to outlaw organic farming? (Or even think of it) Eating real food is the only way to stay healthy. Who is against healthy people? We should outlaw Monsanto."
a, Trinity, Fl

President 4 Life!

"I just really want to ask if you can hang around and be President for 4 or 5 terms? I think that you are the best thing to happen to this country ever. Thank you for all that you are trying to do. Know that you are appreciated every day."
Rosie, Delaware, OH

Just four or five terms? Why do you hate Obama, Rosie?

Just answer the question!

"Dear Mr. President, I watched you on TV tonight, and my question is to you is can you answer a question with a yes or no without dancing around the question?"
lkw, AZ


Subsidize thumb-twiddling.

""You mention the creation of jobs. What are those who are unemployed to do while waiting for these jobs to be created, twiddle their thumbs? You don't speak of job training. The unemployed are not going to be hired without first being trained.""
Ron Coleman, Bloomington, IL

They can also do Sudoku, or make fun of people on the internet.

More with the caps on

Concerned Girlie, Elgin, SC

You know, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.


"I live outside NYC with family of 5, husband now unemployed. Property taxes went up 6k to 26 and we get nailed by AMT. I work so hard all I want is to send kids to college. A family in TX that makes same lives like millionaires. Will you fix it?"
Diane, Hoboken - NYC


Rubber Band Man

"The music industry employs thousands of people. With rapper T.I. in prison, many people will lose their jobs. Why have you not given him a pardon yet?"
Big Deezy, Haines City, FL

He pleaded guilty, for one thing. Plus I like those lo-fi phoned-in-from-prison verses, like Hell Rell.

I cried because I had no trampoline

"I have a Masters, lost my job a year ago, & can't afford a trampoline for my kids. There is a $3,500 swing set outside your window .You proclaim "we're all in this together". As a millionaire, how do you relate to my struggle to merely get a job?"
bryden, grand junction, co

…until I met a man who had no feet.

You're toxic, I'm slipping under

"Can individual investors or mutual funds participate in the the new "toxic assets" bank bail-out plan?"
Marta, Venice, CA

Because I hear you can make meth from them.

Is that a question? pt. 2

"Mr. President, I just want to commend you for the good work you are doing inspite of the criticisms. I know and trust that you have our (middle class) interest in mind. Unlike media and Congress, I will patiently wait while giving to my community."
dday538, san francisco,ca

I Told U I Was Hardcore

"Marijuan NOW and DAYs isnt something you should get arrested for its NOT HARDCORE its different strenghts and everything.PEOPLE really put hard work into growing a PLANT!. HOW COME we dnt have a buisness like tht? TAX it pre rolled in a BOX.OMG"

I hear Phillip Morris has already trademarked package designs.

For certain values of good

"If Marijuana was legal, would it not put money into good people's hands rather than drug dealers in the streets?"
Rick, Boston,MA

Same Current Twice

"I recall a story of a master teaching how to turn stones to gold. Learning the gold changed back in 500 years the student refused to be taught due to future harm. The teacher bowed respectfully saying the student was now his master. Is this current?"
Mr. B, Seabeck, WA

Fire Joe Morgan!

"Please fire Pelosi she is trying to make you look like a idiot .Please consider CINDY SHEEHAN !! She deserves the job 100% more than Pelosi .Pelosi's daughter is making a films about your failures"

If it's half as good as Journeys With George, I look forward to seeing it.

Wolf Whistle

"i need help stopping sara palin from killing wolve,s &there youngfrom small plane,s&helacopter,sbounty hunter,s kill 4.her &she pay,s them plz help."
debo, cleveland ohio 44113

Hi, this is Betty in Bangalor

"How can we bring jobs back to America? I called an American business but was connected to India for the answer."
Shela, Tiburon, CA

Almost too easy.

"One of the easiest ways to cut health care costs is to phase out medical advertising. The costs are huge. In addition, they place enormous burdens on doctors when patients demand medication they DO NOT NEED the advertised meds. It is so very easy!"
Kirk L., Northern CA

The proposal to phase out medical advertising may cause restless leg syndrome, sleep-eating, paranoid delusions, sexual incontinence and priapism. Please consult your doctor.

Bright lights, big city

"you gave huge businesses billions because they would rather stick money in their pockets then do what they should. what are you doing for the americans who are suffering day to day that live pay check to pay check? paying eletric bills over $400 a mo"
candi, brooksville, ky

Mostly reminding them to turn their lights off every once in a while.

Are they here yet?

"When are you bringing American business back from other countries so we can have jobs?"
AZ, Corona, CA

Can it be by lunch time?

You owe me one.

"Mr. President, our family voted for you and very proud of it too. My question to you is when are these news programs going to stop comparing our situation in this country and the key players in it to "football" or "baseball" type convs about games???"
George, Burbank, CA

I'm afraid I'll have to punt this one. Who's on deck to ask the next question?

You know, for kids

"Why can't we as Americans manufacture the same things that are made in china? Why can we not make a computer in the United States? A cell phone? Any kind of toy lincoln logs, legos???? Why???"
Rich-E-Rich, cincinnati, oh

Lincoln Logs? Man, that takes me back.

Whose money?

"What I would like to know is why don't you give every American over the age of 18 with an income below $150,000 a check for 50 or 60 thousand and we will fix the economy from the ground up. It is our money afterall!"
Twyla B, Tahlequah OK

And people call him socialist now…


"Can the government control and reduce chosen finance charges on credit card bills? I think this would be a great way for everyone with credit card debt to GET OUT OF CREDIT CARD DEBT. All we want to do is pay these suckers off!"
improv actress, chicago

You used to write that mortgage spam, right?

Greeeen jobs

"Should our government decriminilize marijuana, so that millions of new green jobs can be created, such as building fuel-efficient vehicles, and supplying pharmaceuticals for needy medical marijuana patients, and etc.?"
Green Machine, Winchester,Va

The cars will run on weed, man. Weed.

Free Tradesmen

"why are many skilled tradesmen sitting home collecting unemployment, while people who can't speak english take their jobs because they work for half the money and quality don't count anymore..."
pulpmillbottomwv, cape coral fl

I think you answered your own question.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You forgot 'bars'

"My suggestion would be to build a network of bike paths that enable Americans to go to grocery stores, parks, libraries , train stations, offices, or cafes. By supporting this construction project you put people to work, it's healthy, and "greener"."

I like this idea.

Dave's not here

"okay, i understand it's just a movie...but why can't we have some average 'joe' come in & fix the budget just like in the movie "Dave"??"

Did you see 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington'?

Bus goes, she stays, love grows

"Where do I sign up for a personal bailout package?"
Aris, At the bus stop.

Perhaps somewhere indoors?

Cadillac grillz

"Why is it that for decades the american auto industry was seen all over the world as The Best? Now we cant even make a decent car, except for a Cadillac. Mr. President how do you intend to help change this perception? it seems the perception is key."
MarkE, New York, NY

The secret is to make people perceive our crummy cars as decent!

I'm not Obama, I'm his evil twin!

"Why wont you release you Vault Copy of your Birth Certificate? Are you afraid you'll be found out to be an USUPER?"
Author, Carson City

No, man, u super.

They prefer 'multi-level marketing.'

"Should I have to be threatened w/ poisoning in SC by Waste disposal becasue Corrupt Republican's steal money through a pyramid scheme & stalk anyone they want online w/ a Multi-Million dollar corporate computer network & abuse people w/ porn 4Youtube"

"i want to know for first buyer for car what kind of program are they coming out with so people could drive a good car during they ruff time !"
Ralph, miami fla

Xhibit, is that you?

Is that a question?

"We must remember who are we protecting and why the American experiment is important."
CW, Baltimore, MD

Because it will enable us to talk to the lizard men of Bozak 4?

I think you mean Youporn. Or Pornotube.

"Should I have to shower in my bathroom while Waste Disposal takes naked pictures of me to threaten me w/ Youtube becasue I have information on White Collar Crime & teenage cyber stalking Voyuerism in North Carolina?"


We all just lost the game

"Mr. President, when it comes to all the cars in America, do you think you just lost the game?"
Dr. Davidson, Davidson


Read His Lips

"When are hard working americans in rural areas going to see some result in this so called stimulus package. I can barely afford to pay my bills and now I can hardly afford to smoke a cig. I thought there were going to be no new taxes? Whats up?"

You're thinking of the first George Bush.

Making contacts

"Should I have to accept being called a Faggot at Waste Industries for starting a commercial container painting company & making contacts at WM w/ District Managers then poisoned for whistle blowing on computer hacking schemes in the community?"


Rhymes with 'Camaro'

"Rumor has it we may sooner than later share a currency with Mexico and Canada- the "Amero" similar to the Euro. Is this true or conspiracy?"

Like many people, he says 'conspiracy' when he means 'false.'

Progs for sprogs

"Dear Mr. President; How is this country going to pull the edc. back up to where this country can again be a super power vs. #22 on the list? Challenge our children, have better teachers and progs? Please explain as I don't want my children behind."
Danielle, St. Louis, MO

Wanting children behind get you on Catch a Predator.

Is our children learning?

"As a young male elementary teacher, I wonder how is extending the school year and day going to correct the problem in education when parent accountable is a huge factor contributing to our failing education systems as well as teacher pay."
javi, javi

Please let him teach math.

Global guts

"In this almost entirely global world, where is an advance of foreign language education in our grade schools, where a top priority should be to have every student bilingual, where other countries require 2-3 languages for graduation?"
Seaman Recruit Hilary N., Holmen, WI

Hilary's found that elusive middle ground between flat earthers and round earthers.

Space elevators!

"Why not use the creation of the new technology of train tunnels to put people to work and fix our declining mass transit system? These trains use Mag Lev technology combined with vacuum tunnels to get people anywhere faster for less money and energy."

Also, blimps!

Haiku of long division

"Why do we stress memorization and standardized testing over more constructive, creative means of education?"
soupandsaladin, Collingswood, NJ

Like interpretive dance!

We forgot Poland!

"I'm from Poland, and unlike my American friends, I have not spent a single penny on getting higher education in my country, which not only makes my life easier, but also shows that my nation cares about having educated citizens. Why not in America?"
the_pole, Columbus, Ohio

I think you'll find that the majority of Americans haven't spent a single penny getting higher education in your country.

Tube Raider

""Why are so many people locked up in jails for cannabis when they are being put in jail under a law that was passed in the 30's by a then racist govt."U said yourself it shouldn't be that way....will it Change? You said it yourself on a utube video."

Man, I say a lot of things on Youtube videos.

Testes, testes

"Is there a plan to shift the focus of education away from standardized testing? It has taken the fun out of school for both students and teachers."
pjean, Houston

Also, could this happen before midterms?

Biller Be Billed

"I am a physicain, medical biller and coder and using EMR for almost 4 years. I have done MBA in health care management. I know this broken health care system in detail and also have solutions. can i get some time with the advisor to present my views"

Absolutely. The next appointment is in May of 2017.

One Laptop Per Child

"How can we adjust the stark contrast between public schools in poorer areas and public schools in suburbia? As a student at a wealthy suburban high school, I would be glad to sacrifice the new laptops our school just received!"

Damn things won't even run WoW.

Chew my food!

"Why doesn't our health insurance cover everything we need? Isn't that why we pay for insurance?"
ms, 1981

And I need that penis-enlargement surgery. NEED.

Culture Club

"I just finished a master's degree in art history and cannot find a single career opening in a museum or other artistic center. What is America doing to ensure that culture remains a part of our country?"

I'll tell you what America's not doing--hiring art history majors.

Palin comparison

"Why don't you produce proof that your even eligible to serve as our President not not just One Big Ass Mistake America! You have sworn to uphold and defend the constitution so why don't you start with showing the proof and having it verified!"
cheapersmokes, Sterling, Alaska

Man, I bet Bristol's glad she didn't marry you.

What about it, man?

"How about those lower class and paid and working families. They make alot less money when they bought their house then they do now. We are 8 months behind trying our best. We and all the Americas need part of that stimulus money."
sunhine, greensboro, nc

So why you holdin' out on me, baby?

808's state

"All anyone is asking about is the economy. We have heard about the economy and yes it is in a bad state. I just want to here you answer a normal question. A question the rest of us take for advantage every day. How are you today?"
808, Eau Claire, WI

Very good, thanks.

Sexy offenders

"Sex offenders living under a bridge! Julia Tuttle bridge in Miami Fl. Is this how we treat American Citizens? Murderers who are released from jail after serving their time get better treatment then this. Sad."
kh1970, Ohio

Can they stay at your place?

Minimum wage, hiyah!

"How do our teenagers compete for summer jobs when companies are offering jobs to foreigner to come and work on a temporary basis and allow them to be reimbursed for the taxes the companies are collecting from them?"
P Lee, Los Angeles


Cleaning the Registry

"Why is there a sex offender registry, but no other registry for any other crime? I would like to know if my next door neighbor is a drug dealer, murderer, robber, repeat DUI or OVI offender, etc. etc."

Dear Sir,

He is.

Best wishes,
Barack Obama

Forget federalism!

"obama gave us 10.50$ by suspending gov taxes then they raised state taxes 1% on april first that blows the 10.50$ out the window so why cancel one state tax when you're going to raise another? It doesn't help us a bit."
AsdfBrett, SF

Your civics teacher weeps.

It's like a country western song.

"Divorced female health disabled BUT I did not run for disability. Mortgage current l bills - No luxuries old car. Mortgage 3 times value of home. What about the little guy you said you would represent? forgotten "children"? NO CHANGE"
MJ, Palm Springs, CA

Divorced and disabled before Obama's inauguration, divorced and disabled afterwards. NO CHANGE.

The wheels on the bus.

""Mr. President... You have spoken a lot on education. I was wondering what your plan is for those of use that don't teach but for those of us that are school bus drivers. This seems to be a field that is constantly over looked."
Katie, St. Marys County

Obviously, a bold new initiative to test critical bus-riding skills.

Voter's remorse

"What makes you think, given your lack of political job experience, your ideas will work?"
Maria M, New Jersey

Well, the last guy didn't have any political experience, and everything worked out fine.

I have a question about this question's question.

"Mr. President, for next forum of this nature, would you consider encouraging citizens to vote ONLY on questions that are different from their passion, so they can be more objective? and also eliminate duplicate questions."
Keith P, Bedford, OH

Ooh, meta.

Our Way of Life

"There are two taxation opportunities that we are missing that seem to be no-brainers. Legalizing of gay marriages so they pay the same taxes as heterosexual couples and legalizing marijuana. What will you do to make these part of our way of life?"

Also, these gay weddings should have open bars.

Sure, why not?

"Can I be president?"
BL4CkUp, Statesboro, GA

I believe you mean "May I be president?"

The PTO runs this town

"Over 1000Emails to Obama. Please reply to me. USPTO has been believed to engage in the counterfeit patent that is Lynn Spitzer's Please look at Patent File History and Lynn Spitzer's crying. I am waiting for 10 years. Main-concerneds was disapeared."
Junho Yang, Seoul

Yes, Obama, who does own the patent on Lynn Spitzer's tears?

This is my rifle, this is my gun

"Sir, The firearms industry is one of the few bright spots in the economy. It is the one part of the U.S. economy that supply can not keep up with demand. What lessons can the rest of the economy learn from the firearms industry?"

Killing is my business, and business is good.

Who pockets the pocketmen?

"What are you doing to combat the health care lobbyists that are in the pockets of washington insiders determined to stand in the way of your reform?"
Joey, Allentown, PA

Who will stop senators from bribing lobbyists? Will it be Obama?

Drink it up!

"I am concerned that the illegals are dominating the public health care system without paying taxes. What is being done to prevent illegals from using all of the resources since the citizens are not able to receive them because of illegals?"
Rebecca, Scottsdale, AZ

Did the illegal drink your milkshake?

Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my hat, Rocky?

"What do you have to say to people that are expecting a mircale from you? And by that I mean people that expected the economy to already be up and roaring again, like you're some sort of magician."
Keith, Texas

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it."


"Mr. President, as a student can the immigrants start working for full time during the summer, and half time during the school days?"
JJ, Georgia

Also, can immigrants have recess?


"It should be unheard of for an employee at a DoD contractor to own anything but a domestically produced vehicle from a domestically owned automaker. This is another opportunity for the President to be appalled and to show disgust."
CW, Baltimore, MD

As are bad pistachios.


"Would you consider legalizing Marijuana and Hemp to help boost our economy and create millions of jobs as well as bring billions of tax dollars to the table? Hemp is one of the most resourceful plants on this planet, why aren't we growing it here?"
Josh, Seattle, WA

If hemp is so resourceful, how come it isn't already growing here?

The Funemployed

"What if a cheaper and more sustainable way of life was possible where we didn't all NEED jobs? Would you encourage city and town planning committees to endorse it? This could include local gardens and dense developments not requiring cars."
Parker, Los Angeles, CA

This way of life exists. Unfortunately, it means moving back in with your parents.

Big ups

"Why is the contract of a millionaire that shuffles paper at AIG more sacred than the contract of a single working mother building cars to put food in the mouths of her children? What up with that? A contract is supposed to be a bond...a trust."
David Bradley, Toronto

Lazy Americans now use cars to put food in the mouths of their children, instead of forks and spoons. What up with that?

Will my kids be epsilons or deltas?

"When will we see a change in our childs education that is updated and creating a focus on a new world (tecnology ,science , going green,etc..)?"
Cori Elena P, Brooklyn,New York

Education begins at home—your children are doomed.

You hadda ask.

Real questions from the new Open For Questions site.